AR-News: (MO - US) St. Louis Pet Loss Support Group

[Snugglezzz at aol.com]

Local group help people cope with loss of a pet 
By <A HREF="mailto:snewman at post-dispatch.com">Sarah Newman</A>
Post-Dispatch
02/21/2004 

<IMG  SRC="http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/resources/petgriefbig221.jpg" WIDTH="155" HEIGHT="200" BORDER="0" DATASIZE="3500">
This candle helps the owner to grieve the loss of their pets.
(<A HREF="mailto:sleone at post-dispatch.com">Sam Leone</A>/P-D) 
    <IMG  SRC="http://images.stltoday.com/stltoday/images/spacer.gif" WIDTH="5" HEIGHT="1" BORDER="0" DATASIZE="43">    

ASK HARRIET CUDDY and her husband, Jon Rios, why they founded the St. Louis 
Pet Loss Support Group a year and a half ago, and they'll respond in unison: 

There was a need. 

They knew this because they had felt that need themselves. 

Gidget, their 18-year-old Maltese, was like a child to the couple. Their only 
other child, Jennifer, was a cat. 

Even though Cuddy and Rios both have a background in psychology and social 
work, neither had ever dealt with the loss of an animal companion. Neither was 
prepared for how deeply Gidget's death would affect them. That they had to make 
the heart-wrenching decision to end Gidget's life, even as an act of mercy, 
only added to their agony. And they could find no individual, no organization 
who could offer them the help and support they needed to cope with their grief. 

"Our culture in general has difficulty with death," Cuddy said. "It's hard 
enough for us to deal with the loss of human loved ones."

"People who don't understand may want to help, but they don't know what to 
say," Cuddy said. "So they say things like 'It's just a dog' or 'You should get 
another one to take its place.' They don't realize that in their attempt to be 
comforting, they're only adding to the pain." 

The couple's search for ways to deal with their personal pain sparked a 
desire to learn more about pet loss in general. 

"We found a psychologist in New York, Dr. Wallace Sife, who is a professional 
pet bereavement counselor," Cuddy said. "In fact, he's one of the pioneers of 
pet-loss counseling. He wrote a book, called 'The Loss of a Pet' (Howell Book 
House, 1998), which is like a bible in the pet-bereavement field, and he also 
trains people in pet-loss counseling through his Web site." 

Cuddy and Rios took Sife's training and became members of the Association for 
Pet Loss and Bereavement (www.aplb.org), an international federation of 
pet-loss organizations and individuals, which Sife founded in 1997. They followed 
the association's guidelines to form the St. Louis Pet Loss Support Group. 

Most often a loss is the result of death, Cuddy said, "but it can also result 
from an animal being stolen or from running away. Individuals who are dealing 
with an aged animal or an animal that is terminally ill also need support. So 
do parents struggling with grieving children." 

By the time she and Rios founded their support group, the need was long 
overdue, Cuddy said. 

"There was no other group like it in the area that we could find," she said. 
"Until rather recently, even vet schools offered no formal training in dealing 
with the issue." 

All of that is beginning to change and for good reason, Cuddy said. 

"Just look at the nuclear family and what has happened to it," she said. 
"Today's families come in all configurations. Empty-nesters. Career-minded couples 
who aren't ready for children. Singles, old and young, living alone. For many 
people, pets are not just part of their family, pets are their only family." 

Pets are also "our confidants, our companions and our best friends." In many 
ways, they play a more important role than our human companions do, Cuddy 
said. "Our pets are a constant presence in our lives. They give us unconditional 
love - and they don't judge." 

With nowhere else to turn, grieving pet owners began reaching into cyberspace 
and leaning on one another for support. As their ranks swelled, so did the 
number of pet-loss Web pages. 

One of the main ones is Rainbows Bridge (www.rainbowbridge.com). According to 
the story behind this interactive memorial, Rainbows Bridge is a beautiful, 
happy place "just this side of heaven," where animal companions go when they 
die. They wait there for their human companions to join them. After the 
companions are reunited, they cross the bridge together. 

One big outgrowth of the cyber support network is the weekly Candle Ceremony, 
which was begun in 1993. Every Monday at the same time (9 p.m. Central), 
individuals around the world light a candle - real or virtual, on sites such as 
www.pet-loss.com - in tribute to the animals they have lost and in support of 
those who grieve for them. 

In the real world, pet-loss support is beginning to go mainstream and 
commercial. Books on the subject are everywhere. Makers of greeting cards supply all 
sorts of ways to express sympathy at the loss of a pet. Tribute candles, photo 
frames, garden stones, jewelry and other products offer further opportunities 
to honor the memory of an animal companion. 

Don't forget all the cemeteries, caskets, grave stones, urns and such geared 
to helping our animal friends rest in peace. Or the obituaries where pets are 
listed as surviving family members. 

Two years ago the Philadelphia Daily News caused a stir when it began to 
print pet obituaries in its classified ads. The Iowa City Press-Citizen caused an 
even bigger stir a year later when it ran a pet obituary on the same page as 
its human counterparts. This did not sit well with the newspaper's readers, and 
subsequent pet obituaries and tributes have been relegated to the classified 
ads. 

Cuddy would like to see more such tributes to departed pets. 

"It's a logical step forward in helping with the grieving process and 
achieving closure," she said. 

But there are other ways to honor a departed pet, Rios said. Not the least of 
them is a memorial contribution to a shelter or other animal-welfare 
organization. Volunteering can also honor an animal companion. If you're unable to 
bring another animal into your home and your heart, volunteering can also bring 
an animal into your life. And animals can be wonderful healers. 

"Everyone grieves in his own way, of course," Rios said. "Some people come to 
the support group meetings only once or twice and then move on; others have 
been coming almost from the beginning." 

The thing all bereaved pet owners need to remember, Cuddy said, is that they 
are not alone. There are many sources of help and support available to them 
now - and the number is growing. 

In addition to facilitating the support group meetings, Cuddy and Rios offer 
individual pet-bereavement counseling. For costs and other information, call 
Cuddy at the number listed below. 

The St. Louis Pet Loss Support Group meets the second and fourth Sundays of 
each month from 3 to 4:30 p.m. at Petropolis Pet Center, 16830 Chesterfield 
Airport Road, Chesterfield. For more information, call 636-537-2322, Ext. 28, or 
go to www.petropolis.com. 

Reporter Sarah Casey Newman 
E-mail: snewman at post-dispatch.com 
Phone: 314-340-8264 


    
    
    
    
 
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: http://lists.envirolink.org/pipermail/ar-news/attachments/20040222/dabfeeb1/attachment.html